'We've been taught to assume the two things go together' Among them: you may not be “exclusively heterosexual”, you may just be attracted to some men, or you may be attracted to certain attributes that your best friend shares with some women, such as femininity. “We've learnt people are either attracted to men or to women, when actually for some people it's more about attraction towards certain kinds of bodies or certain kinds of masculinity or femininity, regardless of the gender of the person – and, of course, gender is also not a binary,” says Barker, who thinks there are many potential explanations for this attraction. We’re taught people are either gay or straight, that sexuality is a fixed aspect that stays the same over the course of our lives when actually it’s fluid and changes over time. You may not be 'exclusively heterosexual', you may just be attracted to certain men or you may be attracted to attributes that your best friend shares with some women, such as femininityĪuthor and psychologist Meg-John Barker, who just published Gender: A Graphic Guide, with a follow-up on sexuality due in 2020, reckons men find this difficult because everything we’ve learned about sexual orientation is wrong.
